| Diary of a Neurotic | ||||||
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May 31, 2003 Invisible People Lying beside him…nothing less than an angel… an angel called Anteros. In the shadow of the thick curtains blocking the blinding sun rays…he lies...so bleary with sleep, the child in him shines like a star on a clear night. Innocence so endearing you cannot help but put your arms around to protect it. His sweetness engulfs the barely furnished room; everything becomes alive, being pulled towards him inebriated. Absently he reaches for my hand and comfort gushes through my veins pumping life into me. It’s a picture perfect moment, my world in harmony, time ceases to exist, all I know is the present and whether it can be preserved. I hug him possessively imaginarily rescuing him from the invisible people haunting his world. The invisible people that have more than once floated in and out of your life like snow. Sometimes I wonder if a person can take more than one character and I ache to be all those invisible people. I shut my eyes momentarily fighting sleep, just incase I miss his soft breath, his chest expanding as he inhales the spell of euphoria, the brief fluttering of eye lashes as he lives his fantasies in the dream world. Defenseless, I give into sleep and now I live through my fantasies… I’m a grandfather smiling behind thick glasses who takes you on a time machine, with stories from all eras, reality and fantasy. You can complain, and never require any evidence; they can be as vague as monsters in your closet or as real as daddy refusing you candies. I’m a silver haired granny spoiling you with home cooked meals always with extra special servings, complaining you never eat enough. I chuckle and help you hide all the stray animals you rescue from the street. I’m your favorite uncle, more good looking than daddy, funny and charming. You tell me I always smell so good and it puts you to sleep. Your wishes are my command and never unrealistic or left unfulfilled. I’m the hyper aunty you hate…especially when I pinch your cheeks screeching ‘sweeeeeetie’ and the same aunty you love when I bake mouth watering chocolate chip cakes. I’m an annoying brother you can’t decide you love or fear. I often show my love at surprising times like when I beat the shit out of the school bullies who push you around. I love to show you off to my friends like you’re my personal creation. I chase you around, irritate you and bully but I would do anything in my power to protect you and pamper you beyond belief. I’m a sweet sister, slobbering kisses on your cheek, ruffling your hair, forever teasing you about girlfriends. I love dressing you up, doing your homework and saving your butt every time you break a window. I’ll love you no matter how much you change when you grow old, because for me, you’ll always be the little bro. I’m your mother, the person you think nothing can compare to; you secretly admit I’m the most beautiful woman in this world. I want to spoil you rotten, give you anything you wish for and shield you from the horrors that can make you cry. My hugs are your comfort, lullabies your serenity, my lap your tranquility and my whole world revolves around you like the earth orbiting the sun since the beginning of time. I’m your father; you chant religiously that you want to be like me when you grow up. You can’t wait to become an adult and do the things grown ups do and I wish you would just stay my little boy chasing wild dreams. I live to spend my days wrestling with you, tricking you into learning subjects you hate, surprise never ending horsy rides and tucking you in bed every night. You will never ever age for me and you’ll always be my favorite son. Suddenly a shrill noise ejects me into reality…as I try to adjust to the surroundings, I look at myself…only this time…through your eyes and its so simple and clear…I’m everything, everyone and above all more than what all the invisible people could be. (3:06 PM) ~`~
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