| Diary of a Neurotic | ||||||
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August 30, 2003 My cousin was here for two months from UAE. The same one with whom I shared many twin husband dreams and I was close to her till she had to move away with her family and I felt cheated. I was angry and upset for leaving me when I was picking fights with my mother exposing my new found teenage wings. I needed an accomplice or at least someone who felt the same. I’d like to blame her and say that she changed, discovered religion, became the model of a perfect desi girl all of which I despised. But that’s just dividing the blame and reducing your accountability. I was betrayed and cheated by her or by fate and like a true crab I retrieved into my hard shell never to let her have the same status again. To let her have the power of being a sister…moving away and leaving me once again stranded. I couldn’t allow her to hurt me once again…such are the stupid emotions of a 15 year old. It’s been 9 years now and I still hold her at a distance. All the time she was here I went through all the duties of a childhood friend or best friend. I counted the days of her departure and as I dialed her number to say good bye a nasty smile played on my lips. But somewhere along the lines of my lies about how much fun we had together and how I’ll miss her, I could feel fondness creeping in and I knew I had to kill it. So instead I sat there going green with envy that she had her little vacation with relatives who are only tolerable in small doses and returning to the place I love and miss. (8:57 PM) ~`~
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