| Diary of a Neurotic | ||||||
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February 10, 2004 "Be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way" Aristotle – The Nichomachean Ethics I have been bored…when things bore me I scrutinize…I dissect…I analyze. As self-obsessed as it may sound…I do it all the time, benchmarking myself against what I would want to be…and I know I’ll never be satisfied being MYSELF…there will always be something that I would want to do better…and be the BEST at it. For two weeks, this psychosis was keeping me preoccupied and the hatred was multiplying like a threatening disease …I just wished I could take a back seat and stop this soul battering exercise. I arrived at the answers by mistake and not by compromise and understanding. I found the exact name for it…self-monitoring….and it’s actually a GOOD thing to be so highly aware and conscious…my neurosis is a POSITIVE personality trait! I have realized…it is useless and exhausting to hate. Its tiring sharing a body, mind and soul with someone you detest. There will never be an end to hate but it does lead to a lot of anger, discontent, frustration and misery. If I take the rage, hatred and I’m-good-for-nothing element out of my CONDITION and replace it with love, understanding and letting things go I can be what I hope to be. The way I am can’t be nailed totally to the genetic make up or to the environment. Our personality is a continuous growth and development of the whole psychophysical system and unique adjustments to the environment. So the culpability can be equally divided into heredity, environmental and situational factors. Nothing is permanent…you CAN teach an old dog new tricks….and like my inspirational figure said…it is YOUR duty to love and accept me for the fuckwit that I am!! (1:53 AM) ~`~
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