| Diary of a Neurotic | ||||||
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February 29, 2004 I'm so tired of fighting with you…over shoes, bags, make-up and all other immature stuff. Every time it’s over and we’re smiling again I believe that we’ve finally grown up and this is the last time we’ll bicker, squabble and scream. I know I'm not the perfect sister… mostly emotionally unstable but I try and take care of you. I'm still not sure what you expect from me…but I can’t always be there when you fuck up…you need to realize your strong and old enough to face it. My intentions are pure…I swear…I just want to do what our parents have always failed to do….I don’t ever want you to feel like me and hate everything for all the wrong reasons. I know I am a lot older than you and I don’t want to be your personal diary where you confess your secrets…but just a sympathetic listener in this house of deaf and insensible. It upsets me that you know all the right buttons to push to send me spinning in state of denial…that you don’t deliberately try to sting me. Each time we argue I feel like I've failed to do what I'm supposed to do…every time you try to win an argument by hitting me below the belt…it confuses me how a person I love can hurt me…and every time you feed me unnecessary lies I feel like I make it hard for you to be honest to me. I don’t need any explanations, I don’t care about things you want to hide…I never try to interfere…I wish I was your roommate who knows nothing but still gets along well. I wish I was the last to know rather than hear elaborate fairy tales that only sound true to you. (2:22 AM) ~`~
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