| Diary of a Neurotic | ||||||
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January 07, 2005 I’m a woman with no worries…at least for the next few days…no more cramming for finals…no reports, presentations, deadlines or assignments. The stress and anxiety was killing me…for almost a month I was an anti-social, pimple sprouting, caffeine addicted, frizzy haired freak! Every night I would fantasize about the 5 minutes after my last exam and the days ahead when I won’t need alarm clocks, reminders and post-its. The wonderful thoughts of lazy mornings, piles and piles of DVDs and cuddling with my books got me through the panic attacks…I honestly think of my self as a SURVIVOR! I hate the strain…I really do…but in some perverse, psychotic, self destructive way I accumulate and live for it. Maybe it’s a sense of achievement to push and press yourself until your hanging off the ledge wishing you could just let go and FALL. I should be DE-stressing my chaotic, exhausted, poor system but it just feels too weird, wrong and empty… What can I say? I’m a fool…and a fool can make the same mistakes again and again…and a fool can be aware of all his short comings and STILL not change his ways! (You can quote me on that!) (9:12 PM) ~`~ |
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