| Diary of a Neurotic | ||||||
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July 28, 2005 In the trial of me vs. my various behaviors….I am charged with habitual, involuntary, almost mechanical need to appear normal than usual. Desperate attempts to be in complete control and on top of things. Guilty of the smile being brighter than usual, walking with the extra bounce and over loading on humor. Trying to forget that there is a wave of nausea, suffocation and anger drowning my sanity. I am also charged with being extremely ungrateful with no right to complain about these familiar feelings that I thought I had triumphed. I’ve been in that place and routine so many times that I could be a tour guide…ladies and gentlemen, this is the phase where you hate everything and everyone…you will now crawl in your shell and fantasize about elaborate suicide plans. I wish I knew if I wanted stability more than the complete range of emotions and melodrama. If only life could be summarized in one simple word….good or bad. I’m too young to be stuck somewhere-in-the-middle, sitting on a fence and whining about it. (12:53 AM) ~`~ |
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